For those of us with ADHD there is a compensation. I call it
memories of unfulfilled dreams.
I guess it really started in the hammock strung between two
trees on our farm. Because I was seven I was allowed to lay in it and travel to
different worlds as my mind wandered off. But mostly my mind focused on the
future of living on the farm, learning about life from my dad, and how perfect
it would be.
Then I got a mild case of polio, which my dad caught, and
within five days he was gone. Because of a pre-existing condition my father had
no insurance. The farm and all the equipment, that hadn't been stolen in the
night by neighbors, was sold off. However, to this day, I have a memory about
the world I created while lying in the hammock. When things were tough, and if
I didn't know if the Social Security check was going to feed us until the end
of the month, I'd go back to that memory,
as if life had really turned out like that.
Later on I got ready for college. Because of all the old movies I saw on
television I envisioned Proms where they played "Deep Purple," and
you met the girl next door and started life together. We'd go to the bonfire
and then to the big game and life would be idyllic. There are less and less
days in which I allow myself to drift back to that memory of unrealized
expectations. I became a college Prof., a University VP and saw that the
politics played in academia were probably more vicious than that involved in reaching
the CEO position at Exxon. However, for
years, during those frequent days as I fought that
inner railroad train that wouldn't stop, they could be forgotten by letting my mind drift back to
those perfect worlds I'd created that never had a reality to match.
No comments:
Post a Comment