Sunday, April 8, 2012

ADHD and Memories of Unfulfilled Dreams

For those of us with ADHD there is a compensation. I call it memories of unfulfilled dreams.

I guess it really started in the hammock strung between two trees on our farm. Because I was seven I was allowed to lay in it and travel to different worlds as my mind wandered off. But mostly my mind focused on the future of living on the farm, learning about life from my dad, and how perfect it would be.

Then I got a mild case of polio, which my dad caught, and within five days he was gone. Because of a pre-existing condition my father had no insurance. The farm and all the equipment, that hadn't been stolen in the night by neighbors, was sold off. However, to this day, I have a memory about the world I created while lying in the hammock. When things were tough, and if I didn't know if the Social Security check was going to feed us until the end of the month, I'd  go back to that memory, as if life had really turned out like that.

Later on I got ready for college.  Because of all the old movies I saw on television I envisioned Proms where they played "Deep Purple," and you met the girl next door and started life together. We'd go to the bonfire and then to the big game and life would be idyllic. There are less and less days in which I allow myself to drift back to that memory of unrealized expectations. I became a college Prof., a University VP and saw that the politics played in academia were probably more vicious than that involved in reaching the CEO position at Exxon.  However, for years, during those frequent  days as I fought that inner railroad train that wouldn't stop, they could be  forgotten by letting my mind drift back to those perfect worlds I'd created that never had a reality to match.

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