"I'm Just Here to Get My Baby Out of Jail"

I was peddling into a time warp today on my exercise bike when I was accosted by the Everly Brothers singing, "I'm Just Here to Get my Baby out of Jail." If you have a rock playlist that includes Louis Jordan on it, you should know you're just asking for trouble.

And it's Christmas, for bleep's sake. So I was thinking about what kind of messages I wouldn't want to get:

1. Dad, I know I'm still in High School, but Joey is pledging a University of Virginia fraternity, and he wants me to come down for the big weekend.

2. This summer I want to backpack around Europe with Rodney. Don't worry, I've told you many times he was framed on that drug charge.

3. I've started corresponding with this nice guy in state prison as part of a class project. I know he's innocent, so could I travel down there to talk to him?